Insights, tips, and strategies for modern recruitment and career development
Behind the Curtain Series #1
We have all experienced it: we explain something carefully, we clarify our intention, we even try to stay calm and constructive, yet the other person seems to hear something else entirely.
A founder thinks they are being direct. A manager thinks they are being helpful. A colleague thinks they are being honest. Yet the other person responds to a completely different problem, as if we are having two separate conversations. In startups and small teams, where people work closely and conversations carry more weight, these moments can create friction surprisingly quickly.
The question becomes: why does this happen, even when we mean well?
Misunderstanding is not always caused by poor communication. Often, people are listening through different pressures, fears, and priorities. One person hears your message through the pressure of deadlines. Another hears it through their performance's insecurity. Someone else hears it through frustration from previous conversations that were never resolved.
We think we are discussing one issue, but multiple invisible dynamics are present at the same time. The words may be clear, yet the meaning changes depending on what each person is carrying into the room.
When misunderstanding starts, most of us do one of three things: we repeat ourselves louder, we defend our intention, or we start arguing with the new issue the other person has introduced. All three usually worsen the drift, because the other person is reacting to their interpretation, not our wording.
Here’s the shift: use a simple two-step approach; first, name the gap, then reset the focus.
First, name the gap. Calmly acknowledge that the conversation may have split: “I think we may be talking about two different concerns.” Or, “I may not be landing this the way I intended.” Or, “I think something different is being heard than what I meant.” This lowers tension because we are not blaming the other person or defending ourselves too quickly.
Then, reset the focus. Return to the original point clearly and narrowly: “My actual point is about the deadline, not your commitment.” Or, “I’m raising the process, not questioning your capability.” Or, “What I’m trying to solve here is…” That is often enough to bring the conversation back to the real issue.
In small teams, where trust matters greatly, being understood is not only about clarity; it is also about recognising what people may be hearing beneath the words.