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Behind the Curtain #5

The signs...

We step into greater responsibility, take ownership of a team, become the person expected to lead, yet the response around us feels unexpectedly resistant.

Decisions are questioned, boundaries are tested, requests are delayed, side conversations appear. People who once felt like peers now seem distant, sceptical, or less cooperative. In startups and small teams, where relationships are close and hierarchy is often informal, these shifts usually feel very personal.

Part of the frustration is not only about behaviour itself. It can feel as though the authority of the role is not being recognised, and that people who know us well are struggling to accept a change in position. When identity and history are already intertwined, leadership can feel harder to establish than expected.

The question becomes: why does my team seem to undermine my authority?

What is the "Behind The Curtain" reality?

Sometimes undermining is real. Passive resistance, disrespect, political behaviour, or weak accountability do exist; that does happen. But often, what feels like undermining is also shaped by dynamics that are less visible in the moment.

Teams may be adjusting to changed relationships. Yesterday’s peer is today’s manager. Informal habits that once worked are now meeting new expectations. Some people may be testing consistency rather than rejecting leadership. Others may be reacting to uncertainty, unclear boundaries, or concern about how decisions will now be made.

Teams may also respond through escalation. A direct report may bypass the new manager and go straight to their manager’s manager, especially if that relationship existed first. A new manager may also escalate issues upward too quickly, relying on senior authority to resolve tensions they do not yet feel equipped to handle. Some escalations are necessary and healthy. But when escalation becomes the default response to normal tension, authority and accountability both weaken.

In small organisations especially, authority is often assumed to come with the title, when trust still needs to be built through behaviour. A team may not be resisting leadership itself as much as waiting to understand what kind of leadership is arriving.

From our position, we may see challenge or disrespect. From theirs, they may be looking for clarity, fairness, and consistency before fully buying in.

How do we respond when authority feels shaky?

When authority feels challenged, most of us do one of three things. We become overly forceful and rely on title alone, or we avoid tension and hope respect appears naturally, or we personalise every disagreement as disloyalty. All three usually weaken leadership.

Here’s the shift: instead of asking “How do I make them respect my authority?” you may need to ask, “How do I make leadership easier to trust?”

That often starts with behaviour before language: be clear about expectations. make decisions consistently, follow through on what you say, address small issues before they become cultural ones, use escalation when necessary, but not as a substitute for managing.

You might say, “Let me be clearer about how decisions will be made going forward.” Or, “I know the dynamic has changed, and I want to lead this well.” Or, “You do not have to agree with every decision, but I do want us to be clear on expectations.”

This creates structure without unnecessary aggression. If resistance comes from uncertainty, clarity helps. If resistance is genuine poor behaviour, clearer standards expose it quickly.

In small teams, authority is not only built through position; it is built through consistency, fairness, competence, and the ability to hold standards without losing respect. Many of us have discovered that leadership is less about being recognised immediately, and more about becoming credible over time.